"Don't take that personally," Marc says, at least able to address the last part. "You know we can't really decide who's out when, half the time. He's probably just exhausted from last night."
He sets down his coffee and uses that hand to scrub his hair back, heaving a sigh. At least it's out in the open. "I'm sorry we didn't tell you," he starts with. "He really didn't want to get into it, and I--" He pauses, covers his eyes with his hand a moment, and finishes. "--I guess I was a little scared, so I didn't push it."
Layla pulls their joined hands up so she can press a kiss against the back of his. "Marc. I don't blame you for not telling me. It wasn't really yours to tell." She exhales a quiet huff of laughter. "I never thought I'd be saying this, but this particular communication gap isn't even a little bit your fault. It's Steven's, and it's mine for being - a bit willfully blind."
She pauses a moment, shifting slightly in her seat, so she's facing him more than not. "What were you afraid of?"
He shrugs, looking at their hands rather than her face, not. "Stupid shit, probably. That you'd be pissed at him and I'd have to deal with that. That you'd accept it as-- as just part of me, like he's not his own person." He sighs a bit, and finishes, "Maybe that you'd like him more than me."
"That last part's a bit stupid," she agrees, though there's no bite to it. She sets her coffee mug down, and reaches out to lay her now-free hand along his jaw, thumb tracing the line of his cheekbone. "I love you. You're my favourite person, even when you make me so furious I can't see straight."
He shuts his eyes at the touch, sighs a little. "I keep thinking the whole 'gets furious' part is gonna change your mind. Or the whole thing with the secrets." Because he still hasn't told her everything. He might never tell her anything.
He looks back up at her finally. "But that's a problem I've got, not any reflection on you. You've been great. Especially after everything back home." He sighs again, and adds, "And now this. I know it's gonna be weird."
Something oddly protective and a little bit sad flickers at her end of the tether. She strokes his cheek again, then drops her hand to cover his instead, so it's caught between both of hers.
"Weird's one word for it," she agrees. "I honestly thought he'd find some lovely, normal girl, and the hardest thing we'd have to deal with is hashing out the logistics and helping him explain that it's not cheating or an open relationship."
And she should not be feeling a sense of relief that it's not that conversation they're having. And yet.
"Is there some other word you'd rather use?" Marc asks with only a sliver of amusement for the choice. Not that it matters, he supposes. He wraps her hands in his second, so they're both holding each other. "He's been hung up on you since he met you, pretty much. Got distracted for a while, what with the dying and Khonshu and then the new world, but it never went away either."
And Marc hadn't managed to nip it in the bud when it was still in the crush phase, not for lack of trying. Possibly because his people skills are kind of lacking, and he has a hard time denying Steven things these days. Even if that includes loving the same woman.
"Overwhelming, a bit," she suggests, and blows out a quiet breath in something not quite a sigh. "Guess I haven't done much to help with that, have I?"
She certainly hasn't done much to dissuade Steven from what she'd convinced herself was nothing more than a crush.
"With-- what, with Steven?" Marc shakes his head. "That's not on you. We didn't tell you. And even if knew and you'd avoided him, that wouldn't have gone over well, either. You were just his friend. He needs those."
"No," she agrees, with a slight, rueful quirk to her lips, not quite a smile. "Avoiding him would've just made all three of us miserable. But I might've set some different boundaries if I'd been a little less oblivious."
Or maybe not - if she's being honest with herself, her boundaries have been looser with Steven than with most other friends she's had as an adult, compounding the blurred lines they'd begun with.
"No use dwelling on the past, though. We just...need to figure out how we're going to work through this."
"Yeah, I got-- I really got nothin'," Marc admits, with a kind of quiet helplessness. "I have no idea what to do. I want Steven to be happy. And I want you to be happy. I don't know what it looks like to make both of you happy, here."
That helplessness makes her heart ache - all the more so because of what he doesn't say.
"Me neither," she says, gaze dropping to their interlocked hands before flicking back up to his face. "But you're missing an important part of the equation, habibi."
His brows come together briefly, as if he doesn't know what she means, but after a beat he figures it out and has to shake his head. "You mean me? Well, I don't know how to make me happy in this situation, either," he adds on. "The only thing I got there is you not leaving me, and you seem pretty clear on that part."
"Yeah," Layla says quietly. "I am. Everything else might be a little murky, but that part's crystal clear."
She squeezes his hand, as though to underscore that statement, reassurance for herself as much as for him. Overwhelming as this might be, it's not insurmountable. They'll get through this. They just need to figure out how.
God, he doesn't deserve her. He brings her hands up to his mouth to kiss the back of them, first one then the other. "I love you," is all he can think of to say, first. Which, apparently, is why they're in this confusing mess to begin with. A love triangle with himself. Ugh.
Her expression softens, warmth burning away some of the wan edge. "I love you too," she says.
Two things clear, then, intertwined though they are. Complicated though their relationship might be - difficult as it sometimes has been - he's still the love of her life.
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scarabwings) wrote2022-08-14 11:52 pm
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He sets down his coffee and uses that hand to scrub his hair back, heaving a sigh. At least it's out in the open. "I'm sorry we didn't tell you," he starts with. "He really didn't want to get into it, and I--" He pauses, covers his eyes with his hand a moment, and finishes. "--I guess I was a little scared, so I didn't push it."
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She pauses a moment, shifting slightly in her seat, so she's facing him more than not. "What were you afraid of?"
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He looks back up at her finally. "But that's a problem I've got, not any reflection on you. You've been great. Especially after everything back home." He sighs again, and adds, "And now this. I know it's gonna be weird."
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"Weird's one word for it," she agrees. "I honestly thought he'd find some lovely, normal girl, and the hardest thing we'd have to deal with is hashing out the logistics and helping him explain that it's not cheating or an open relationship."
And she should not be feeling a sense of relief that it's not that conversation they're having. And yet.
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And Marc hadn't managed to nip it in the bud when it was still in the crush phase, not for lack of trying. Possibly because his people skills are kind of lacking, and he has a hard time denying Steven things these days. Even if that includes loving the same woman.
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She certainly hasn't done much to dissuade Steven from what she'd convinced herself was nothing more than a crush.
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Or maybe not - if she's being honest with herself, her boundaries have been looser with Steven than with most other friends she's had as an adult, compounding the blurred lines they'd begun with.
"No use dwelling on the past, though. We just...need to figure out how we're going to work through this."
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"Me neither," she says, gaze dropping to their interlocked hands before flicking back up to his face. "But you're missing an important part of the equation, habibi."
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She squeezes his hand, as though to underscore that statement, reassurance for herself as much as for him. Overwhelming as this might be, it's not insurmountable. They'll get through this. They just need to figure out how.
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Two things clear, then, intertwined though they are. Complicated though their relationship might be - difficult as it sometimes has been - he's still the love of her life.